Family Problems & issues

      Our first relationships are with our family members. They’re the relationships we hold dear, struggle to maintain, and agonize about whether to let go. And sometimes, they drive us crazy.  Family problems can seem overwhelming. If you or a friend are dealing with separation, divorce, alcoholic, abused or abusive parents, or another family conflict, this is a place to learn more about ways to cope.

                Every family has problems once in awhile. But sometimes family conflict becomes too much. Often, this is because of trouble understanding each other, changing expectations as you grow older or lack of trust among family members. It might also be because your parents see things differently from you since they are from a different generation, and maybe because raised in a different city or country, or when they disagree on a topic

1. When Parents Disagree

    All couples argue from time to time. They might disagree about important things like finances, careers, or major family decisions. Or they might disagree about little things that don't seem that important — like what's for dinner or what time someone gets home.

   Sometimes parents stay calm when they disagree. They allow each other a chance to listen and to talk. But many times when parents disagree, things can get heated. they will yell or scold you or their partners without a reason  

Its OK to parents sometimes to argue

It's natural for people to have different feelings, opinions, or approaches to things. Talking about these differences is a first step in working toward a solution. People in a family need to be able to tell each other how they feel and what they think, even when they disagree.

Most people who live together in a family argue about small things — like if the way you do something is different from how a brother, sister, or parent does it.  

Most of the time, arguments are over quickly, parents apologize and make up, and the family settles back into its usual routine

When Fighting Goes Too Far

Sometimes when parents fight, there's too much yelling and screaming, name calling, and too many harsh things said. Although some parents may do this, it's not OK to treat people in the family with disrespect, use degrading or insulting language, or yell and scream at them.

Occasionally fighting goes too far and includes pushing and shoving, throwing things, or hitting. Even if no one is physically hurt, an argument has gone too far when one parent uses threats to try to control the other through fear. It's never OK if a parent does things like 

• threatens to hurt someone
• destroys the other's property
• threatens to commit suicide
• threatens to leave the other parent
• threatens to report the other parent to protective services

When fights get physical or involve threats, it's usually a sign that the people fighting could do with some help controlling themselves and managing their anger. This may mean speaking to a doctor, therapist, or calling a helpline.

What About You?

It's hard to hear parents yelling at each other. Seeing them upset and out of control can throw you off — aren't adults, especially parents, supposed to be the calm, composed, mature ones in a family? How much parents' fighting bothers you might depend on how often it happens, how loud or intense things get, or whether parents argue in front of other people.

It's natural to worry about a parent who may feel hurt by what the other parent says. Maybe you worry that one parent could become angry enough to lose control and physically hurt the other. With all this extra mental and emotional turmoil, you may start to feel the signs of stress, like being tearful, getting stomachaches or headaches, or having trouble sleeping. If parents' arguments start to get in the way of how well you eat, sleep, or pay attention in school, talk to a school counselor or teacher.

It can be especially upsetting if parents are arguing about you. But your parents' arguments are never your fault. Parents are responsible for their own actions and behaviors, no matter how much they are provoked by another person.

What You Can Do 

If you feel that your parents' fighting is getting too much for you and you're stressed out about it, it's time to take action. You could try talking to one or both of your parents about their arguing. They may not even realize how upset you are until you tell them how their arguments affect you. If this doesn't work, you could try talking to another family member to help you figure out what to do — or go to your school counselor or doctor.